Arsene Wenger and Arsenal trohpies: here's some more they might have won - Telegraph.co.uk (blog)

Straight talking: Arsene nails another trophy, this time the Islington Open Mike Comedy Awards – Best Newcomer

Silly football fans thought that Arsenal had not actually lifted any silverware for ages, but thanks to Arsene Wenger, we now know that they have in fact won cup after cup – by qualifying for the Champions League. Here are some other trophies, gongs and awards picked up by the North Londoners in the last few years

Multiple Michelin Stars
Fish and chips at stadium described as "an exquisite symphony of flavour" by esteemed restaurant guide; although Alain Ducasse, chef of three-star Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester has remarked: "Tell you what though, you want to be made of money if you're going to eat there. £13.90 for a bit of fish and chips? The world's gone mad, guv." Not resting on their culinary laurels, Arsenal are to announce the  "exciting signing" of Heston Blumenthal, who will design a £169-per-person 'Trophy Cabinet Celebration Menu' featuring exotic creations such as Thin Air On A Bed Of Dust, Nothing Foam In A Jus Of Naff-All, and The Capital One Cup.

Best Actress Oscar
Until emergence of Ronaldo at Manchester United, this prestigious award was nailed down in the Arsenal trophy room due to heartbreaking, powerful performances of Robert Pires, regarded by many as "the most expressive female performer since Garbo".

Most Exciting Quarterly Audit Reports
Awarded by the thrill-a-minute 'Football Business: Business In Football' magazine, this much coveted recognition for Arsenal's legendarily exciting financial reporting meetings was cheered by directors and fans alike. One fan said: "Sure, we might not be winning too many matches but, boy, when I heard that third quarter financial results were producing operating profits of 0.75% after amortisation but without capital write downs and including EBITA plusminus bond yields, I knew this was the happiest I had been as an Arsenal fan since we signed Charlie George. Whoever that is."

Most featherlight footballer
Awarded in association with Weightwatchers and the Mothercare Tiny Tots clothing range for under threes, Arsenal have been almost impossible to beat in this category thanks to their policy of signing tiny, nimble manchildren. Once the rules of football are changed to outlaw tackling, or kicking the ball too hard at the goal, Arsenal's foresight will pay off.

Most protracted summer transfer
Those few weeks between the end of the football season in May and the new one in August can seem like an age for entertainment starved fans, but Arsenal have selflessly given us all so much during the summers. Be it the engrossing will-he-won't-he of Pat Vieira, the on-off-on-off-on-off-on drama of Cesc Fabregas or the is-it-isn't-it-oh-God-make-it-all-stop megabore of Robin Van Persie, Arsenal have made the tedious July transfer story their own. Under new proposals, the Premier League trophy will now be awarded to the team whose wantaway captain fills the most column inches over the summer, and retroactive awarding of this confirms Arsenal as now, statistically, the most successful club in the world.